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June 18, 2013

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Paul

Using immigration reform as my basis for action, I've decided I want to be a member of Congress. House or Senate, it really doesn't matter. I simply want to be a member of Congress, with all their perks, franking privileges, parties on the yacht, camera time, imagined rock-star status. I don't want to run for Congress. That would be terribly expensive and take a very long time. I don' want to campaign, kiss babies, shake hands, be vetted by the media, or raise millions of dollars. I just want to be a member of Congress. Here's the plan. Somehow, I have to slip past security and illegally enter the capitol building. Maybe come in with a group of visiting members of the Coyote Growers Association, coming in to lobby for more coyote funding. Then I'll stay in the building-there has to be a myriad of places to hide, hang out, wash, and eat. I will pass myself off as a Congressman, like I have every right to be there. Schmoozing shouldn't be an issue as with no constituents to represent, I can make deals to support whatever legislation comes along, as long it meets my immediate needs. There's always an empty chair to borrow and who really keeps track of which Representative or Senator says yeah, nay or present.
Sooner or later I will be discovered but that's okay. Maintaining that since I've been in the capitol building for a while, perhaps even held a few press conferences and been a swing vote on key legislation, that it's only fair that I be allowed to stay. It might even be racist to say I can't stay. I'll even do the job for $100K a year, representing a considerable savings to the taxpayers.
Of course, the idea is absurd, on many levels. Except, this is precisely what Congress is expecting the rest of the country to put up with as they rush to pass this monstrosity of an immigration bill. Based on an initial illegal act, both parties are pandering to criminals in a twisted attempt to secure a bloc of currently undocumented voters. Carried to a logical extreme, the next group of undocumented voters is sitting in our jails and prisons. What's next, amnesty for all criminal behavior?

Statusmonkey

Why secede? If this bill succeeds, Mexico will empty out - and I will simply move down there to stay. Every bill I like will pass unanimously in Mexico with a single vote - my vote.

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